Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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