just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
we're making bets on your personal life
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
