I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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