its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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