gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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