you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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