Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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