So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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