Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
