Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
