so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
