Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
