thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Randomize
