I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
