I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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