I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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