There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
