I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
