make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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