And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
