So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
