I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
