Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Randomize
