i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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