I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Less talking, more tequila
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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