Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
