I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
