don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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