I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
