He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
