I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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