That's intense
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
