this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
