I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize