He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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