Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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