guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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