My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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