I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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