what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
