Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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