Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
