how can u be prego again
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
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