Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
