she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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