My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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