I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
