I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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