I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
