She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Im part way to drunk.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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