Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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