This girl is more easily done than said...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
they're like a gay fantastic four
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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