ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
