What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
