Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
