We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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