Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
