We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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