I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
