When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
she smelled like a LAN party
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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