this beer tastes like vomit already
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
