the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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