According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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