you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The air was thick with penises
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
