It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
