Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
