Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
