my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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