i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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