We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
