I just cut my nipple shaving
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
