She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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