i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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