@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
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He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
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Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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