i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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