you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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