Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
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